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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Walk for...... Garbage Cans!

Oh yes, you too could participate in this lovely action!

What do you do? WALK! To find your much needed Garbage Can.......
Why? Well if you know the rules of suburbs (not saying that there are many.... Max of 3 bags and 1 blue bag....) everyone who is anyone places their most loved garbage can on the curb for the much anticipated Garbage Day (ours in Tuesdays!)....
"Most Favorite??!"... Yes! Would you really want to set out that one garbage can you have in the back of your garage with one wheel missing, lid gone..... Barely able to stand on its own without garbage in it??? HOW DARE YOU! Your garbage can represents you! Or at least the one on the curb does.... This is the Suburbs of course!
You mentioned walking? Right... So the 'walk' part comes in on those windy, windy days.... When you wake up in the morning and think "I should see if they came to get our garbage'" (Because really, who leaves their garbage can on the curb ALL day??!) only to realize that your can is rolling around in the middle of the street (GASP!)!!!
Now what??! You quickly throw on any clothes that are nearby (nothing too outrageous as the neighbors may talk!) and rush outside....... Gather your composure and calmly walk over to your garbage can (which is rolling back and forth now) and pick it up. Just like you do this every other day.....
And then? And then you realize, to your horror, that the Lid. Is. Missing. Ugggggghhhhh!
Okay, so now....? Walk your garbage can, lidless, to your Veranda and place it there (hidden behind your pillar so no neighbors can see it) while quickly scanning for your stupid lid.
Uh Huh.... Then, since you couldn't find it with your non-super human eyes, pretend that your scanning the neighbor hood for hooligans (oh yes!).... And see your lid... ALL the way at the beginning of the neighborhood! ACK!
Soooo....? Once again, calmly walk down the sidewalk as if you're off to get the mail......... And grab the lid. Stupid lid. Stupid wind. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Ummm... Walk back to your house, try to be as calm as possible (as smoke is bellowing for your ears), slam the lid onto the garbage can (try to be quiet though or else you may grab the attention of ALL the trades men building in your area!), screw it to the left to make it 'Lock' (why, WHY can't the garbage collectors do this themselves??!! Bah!) and walk away.
How often? It is only required to do the "Walk for Garbage Cans" once a week..... For 52.177457 weeks.
Cost? Nothing except many blows to your self-image, self-confidence and stupid Garbage Can. And don't forget to your status in the neighborhood (would they really knock you down below the house with the yard that looks like a trailer park??!)
Are there ANY hidden things...? You may have the wonderful opportunity to participate more then once a week.... Like when the wind blows your garbage can off of your side step and nearly misses where you have your car parked (oh yes!)....
Anything else? Not really... Don't forget that we have many, many other "Walk for...... " things as well.
Such as? Walk for...... BBQ Covers, Shoes (they do blow off your Verandas and Decks from time to time!), Chairs, Lawn furniture, Children's Toys, Bike Helmets.... The list goes on!

We hope that you decide to join your Suburb Neighbors in this lovely Walk for...... Garbage Cans! Not that you would ever tell your neighbors about joining....

And remember, don't you dare try to help out your neighbor..... That would make you look like you have gone soft....beating heart and all!

1 comment:

Sarah said...


....that was a fab read for the day!!!