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Thursday, April 10, 2008


Saw this over at Mashed Taters 'N Groovy and had to share it with all of you! Sorry about how it transferred over... I've tried fixing it and gave up... *sigh*


Job Description

Mom, Mommy, Mama, MaDad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills, be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings, weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule, yet be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat, in case this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses are never reimbursed. Must learn to multitask. This is a permanent position. Teams are encourages to apply, however, sadly, this is not a requirement.

This is an infinite list. This list will forever, without warning, self adjust to the clients whims Candidates must be willing to adapt to ever-changing and ever-challenging time periods. Basic duties will include maintaining multiple calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must screen phone calls. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility, laundry, shopping, spare of the moment decision making, field trips, EMT, counselor, teacher, cook, disciplinary provider (often more painful for you than for them), chafer, caterer, must excel at all levels of the aforementioned skills and all the ones we failed to mention.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Grand Parent same job except your old and tired. This position is limited to some weekends unless you failed at your previous assignment. Then it is a full time position, because rather than your charges moving out they multiply.

There is no amount of reference material that can be studied to prepare you for this job. As each candidents charge will be unique and unpredictable. On-the-job training will be offered on a continually exhausting basis. No previous experience is available.

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and only wish you could do more. **FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT – EVER


No health or dental insurance, No pension, No tuition reimbursement, No paid holidays and No stock options. There are no guarantees. This job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.


Jesslikesstuff said...

That's funny and scary all at the same time :)

Rhonda said...

Love this post. I have seen this from time to time and I always thought it so appropriate.

My older two daughters have been nannies and it sure was an eye opener for them!